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Aviation Humor
Please click on one of the various animations below for jokes on the specific topic.
Military Aviation Humor
Helicopter Humor
Commercial Aviation Humor
General Aviation Humor
ATC Humor
A large two engine train was crossing the country.
After they had gone some distance one of the engines
broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
You May be a Redneck Pilot if...
... your stall warning plays "Dixie."
... your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
... you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.
... you've ever used moonshine as avgas.
... you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.
... you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.
... your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
... you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
... just before impact, you are heard saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!"
... you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.
... you've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
... you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.
... you fuel your wizzbang 140 from a Mason jar.
... you wouldn't be caught dead flyin' a Grumman "Yankee."
... you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy!"
... there is a sign on the side of your aircraft
advertising your septic
tank service.
... the set of "matching luggage" you take on
your long cross-country
flights is three grocery sacks from the same Piggly Wiggly!
... when you are the owner of Red Neck Airlines and pilot
of Redneck
One.
... you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper!
One day, a pilot consulted a fortuneteller, who he had
heard always told the truth.
Pilot: "I have heard you are a very good fortuneteller. Please tell me
something about me."
Fortuneteller: "Well....you have 3 children."
P: "Oh. You have made a mistake from the first! I have 4 children."
F: "You might believe you have 4 children, but as a matter of fact, you
have only 3 children."
P: ..........
Doctor: Turn right and cough.
Pilot: (cough)
Dr: Thank you. When was your last sexual experience?
P: Well...ah..about 1957.
Dr: Kinda been a while ago, hasn't it?
P: Yes...but..I had to leave at 2005 to come over here.
Approach: DC3, turn right to 330.
DC3: Roger 330.
App: DC3, I've been working since last night. Will you do me a favor?
DC3: Affirmative. Go ahead.
App: Down below on your right, you'll see a house with yellow roof near a lake.
That is my house. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?
DC3: Negative sir. Instead I can see a Ryder's truck.
